I’ve been to so many events, holidays, and church-sponsored parties where I was told “NO TALKING POLITICS”. I was even at a wedding once where I was politely discussing politics with someone else during the reception and the groom came up to us and asked us to stop because it may make people uncomfortable, and he wanted his wedding to be a happy place.

While I totally understand what he was asking, I think it’s sad that we, as Christians, are now in a place where the thought of politics brings on stress instead of something to learn about, and have healthy discussions on.

Before you clench your fists next time your angry, old aunt brings up the latest political news, here are a few tips for next time politics comes up:

1. Stop Thinking

One thing I often catch myself doing when someone makes a point is starting to formulate my response. When you’re doing that, you’re unintentionally shutting off your mind to what they’re saying and can give off the impression of being ignorant and close-minded, even if you’re not intending to.

Next time someone is sharing a point that you deeply disagree with, let them fully finish their thought BEFORE you start thinking about how you’re going to respond.

2. Assume Good Intent

Next time you’re getting upset and feeling attacked during a conversation, take a moment and do some self-reflecting. Usually when you are trying to present your opinion, you usually never intend to cause any personal harm to the person you’re talking to, or take a personal jab at them.

Everyone uses their own experience and own knowledge to form their opinions, so generally when you are sharing your opinion, you are sharing a conglomeration of what you know that helped you form that opinion, things that, to you, are well-intended.

Even when someone says something hurtful, the best thing you can do is ask follow-up questions and remind yourself it’s probably not personal.

3. Remember, their life is different from yours

Even if you grew up in the same region, town, or family, you have wildly different life experiences that lead you to the decisions and beliefs that you have.

I was once in a conversation with someone who had a very passionate stance on a specific issue. Anytime anyone tried to bring up a point that disagreed with her stance, she would respond with anger and blame them for their ignorance on the issue.

I heard someone ask her about her personal experience on the issue and she shared a piece of childhood trauma that happened to her outside of her control. This forever changed my perspective on why she felt so passionate about this issue and helped me change my tone and how I discussed this in the future with her.

To love people is to understand them fully. That way, when we disagree, there is trust on both sides of good, loving intention when two different opinions show up.