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“How Do I Date When I’m Ugly?”

February 9, 2022

Christian dating sucks, and there are so many questions that leave many Christians feeling stuck and lonely. It’s time to change that, and give Kait the opportunity to answer questions sent in by you.

Kait Warman of Heart of Dating is an author, podcaster, and dating expert who gives real, practical advice to Christians all over the globe.

To learn more about Heart of Dating or to register for their conference which will feature single Christians from all over the world coming together to find encouragement, hope, and practical advice from experts, you can register or learn more here.


How do I find someone when I’m ugly? I’m on every single dating app, and don’t have any matches. Even when I did have a girlfriend, they called me ugly while I was dating them. I asked my friends if they know anyone, and they said everyone they told about me lost interest after they sent her a picture. What can I possibly do?


Oh my friend, you are not ugly. How do I know that? You are an intricately crafted human being, made in the image of God that is loved by God. and NONE of that is ugly.

That is a straight up lie that is defining your life that we have to renounce and break ties with. I’m serious.

I am so deeply sorry for the horrible things people have said to you. That isn’t right, and it certainly is not how God sees you.

Now here is the harder part…

No one can make you feel loved or attractive. You have to do the work of rewiring these narratives. It is hard work, but it WILL transform your dating life.

I am a firm believer that like attracts like… MEANING when you know you are worthy, attractive, and valuable (because God created you that way), you show up worthy, attractive, confident, and valuable. And as such, you will attract someone that will see that SAME thing within you and that feels that way about themselves. 

But when you don’t believe you are worthy, attractive, or valuable.. You will show up completely unconfident and will attract people that make you feel even more unconfident and who are likely unconfident themselves.

Again I will say it:  you are not ugly. How do I know that? You are an intricately crafted human being, made in the image of God that is loved by God. and NONE of that is ugly. 

Break the ties with that lie, and start doing the inner work to transform how you see yourself. It’s a noble, hard journey, but you CAN do it. You have it within you. Don’t delay. Take one small step and start today.


I’m 36 and dating a guy I am not attracted to. Especially in light of the conversations this last week… When do I bite that bullet and settle? This is a really good guy, and thankfully has been awesome with my physical boundaries… Because I don’t want to kiss him. But I feel shallow and hypocritical because I’m not a movie star myself and I’m not getting younger. My family is really pushing for this and I feel like I’m letting everyone down because of vanity.


How long have you been dating them? Do you have a history of unrealistic expectations? Do you have a history of dating someone that isn’t great for you but that you find is physically very attractive? Have you asked God to help you become physically attracted to this person? Have you asked God to help you with this daily? Have you talked to a therapist about your physical expectations and what is driving them?

I do not recommend seriously dating someone you have zero attraction to at all. BUT I do believe attraction is multifaceted and physical attraction can grow. 

There truly is SO MUCH MORE that goes into finding someone attractive… there’s emotional, intellectual, personality, and spiritual attraction.

However, if you have done or processed all the things I mentioned above..it may be time to call it quits.

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