Sex is something that has caused a lot of shame and pain in Christian circles, whether it be from a lack of education on the topic, incorrect, unbiblical teachings, or unnecessary shame and judgement.

Unfortunately, in many Christian circles, when topics like this are nuanced or controversial, we tend to ignore them instead of what we should be doing, teaching them in loving, Biblical ways.

I asked Christian women on our Instagram page to share anonymously what they wish they were taught about sex, and THOUSANDS responded. Here are some of the most common or most helpful responses:

Married Women: YOU CAN SAY ‘NO’. Do not believe the lie that you always have to say yes.

Its totally normal to struggle to orgasm, don’t be afraid to ask your doctor if it’s not happening. You deserve to enjoy it too

You might feel shame, and while its easier said than done, know that you are beautiful and that sex is Biblical. Start working to see yourself as a strong, sexual woman.

You don’t have to pretend to be confident if you’re shy or nervous

SPEAK UP!!!! Tell him what you what and what does or doesn’t feel good

If your husband has a porn addiction, it is not your fault.

Sorry men, but ladies, set your expectations a little low the first time, he probably will be excited and won’t last long…

Don’t forget to pee after your done

Getting married TOO fast because you’re trying to stay “pure” is a bad idea

More men than you think learn sex from porn so they naturally copy things they see that may be disrespectful or hurtful. If he’s doing something you don’t like or dont want for any reason TELL HIM NO.

It’s messy sometimes, keep a towel close

Your first time does not compare to how much better it can get if you work together and get closer as a couple

I can’t believe I need to say this but it’s 100% normal to desire sex (Yes, even if you want it more than your husband does!)

Don’t be afraid to try new things! We’ve tried some things we haven’t liked (and even though it might have been awkward, we laugh about it), but it helped us discover new things that we love!

If it doesn’t fit go see a doctor ASAP. I thought it would magically happen over time and with therapy and a few doctors visits we finally had sex a year after we got married.

No matter how hard he’s trying please don’t fake it. If it’s not happening work together to make “it” happen

This might sound off but talk with your girlfriends about it a little! Being open helped me release my shame and made it more fun for us!

Men aren’t taught to please women they’re taught to please themselves. Sometimes you have to teach him, and that means saying no, giving him instruction, or guiding him (They’re idiots sometimes)

It’s a lifetime of learning. If things are getting boring tell him and talk about it and make it fun again!!!