Sex is something that has caused a lot of shame and pain in Christian circles, whether it be from a lack of education on the topic, incorrect, unbiblical teachings, or unnecessary shame and judgement.

Unfortunately, in many Christian circles, when topics like this are nuanced or controversial, we tend to ignore them instead of what we should be doing, teaching them in loving, Biblical ways.

I asked Christian men on our Instagram page to share anonymously what they wish they were taught about sex, and THOUSANDS responded. Here are some of the most common or most helpful responses:

Your wife agreeing to have sex solely to appease you isn’t good for either of you.

Consent is important inside marriage. Talk about boundaries, what consent means, and more. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you get it whenever you want.

Sex will not fix your porn addiction.

That the intimacy part of making love is more important than just finishing

If she says it hurts, stop immediately. If she says to use more lube, use more lube. You’re not the one having something jammed into your body so respect her.

Expectations low, bro. You probably won’t last as long as you think.

If she’s trying to sleep, “poking” her usually won’t get her in the mood like you think it will

It may be hard to communicate what you like and what she likes, but it is very important

It can be really frustrating until you know how to give your partner an orgasm

You may want to shower before AND after. Before so it’s not stinky, after so it’s not sticky lol

Sex is holy, and treat it as such. Never use it as a bargaining tool or withhold it as a punishment.

Drop the act, its ok to not be good at it, you’ll get there

If I knew how much porn would impact the physical parts of my marriage I would have gotten help sooner.

Don’t go into Pooh’s house and expect Pooh not to be home

She probably won’t ever orgasm while you’re in her. Let her teach you how to get you there.

It might actually take years, yep, to fully pleasure your wife a majority of the time, and even then, it wont be fireworks every time

Sex is important, but it’s not as big of a deal as everyone in the church seems to make it

You may be ready to go, but for her it’ll take time. Be romantic, and love her selflessly to warm things up

Sometimes she wants to have sex and I’m not in the mood, and that’s ok

It wasn’t at all what I was told by porn or in the one night stands I had. Sex is awkward at first but when cultivated with someone who loves you it can be incredible.

Your sex drives will be different, it might be a big difference or not big at all. If your wife says no, she means no.

Don’t have sex with a goal of finishing, have sex with a goal of enjoying the journey