Dana has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and has been practicing since 2011. She currently works with adolescents, adults, families and couples specializing in areas of depression, anxiety, relationships, and life transitions. Prior to becoming a therapist, she worked on staff at various churches working in both youth and worship ministries. She’s passionate about the intersection of faith and mental health and bringing the conversation into the Church.

Question:

As a person who left an actual cult (brainwashing and horrific experience through my teenage and early adult years) and has religious trauma from the years of experience, what mental work can be done to heal and trust in church again? I am in therapy but I have been nervous to work through the trauma. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1, PTSD, ADHD (restless compulsive), and OCD. All of these factors have made me feel worthless and live in fear of judgment so I turn to my fawn response for those around me. I was taught that mental illnesses were not real and if I experience symptoms it is because I am sinning and deserve to go to hell. I felt anger towards God for many years in my adult life and am now starting to get back in the word. What can I do to trust again and ease my way back into church but still hold my mental health at a high status? I have only been in therapy for 6 months but I am afraid to undo what I have worked through.

Dana:

What courage you’ve shown already in leaving the cult and starting therapy! Perhaps, if you have fears about trusting people in the church, maybe right now focusing on therapy and the Word is a place to start. The church is meant to be a safe place, but we all know from following this page, that the people of God don’t always represent him well. Does your therapist understand the church and God? If so, start incorporating more conversations about God in therapy. It sounds like it might be important to shed the distorted view of God that you have from those years in the cult, but that may take time and yes, more pain, but if you trust your therapist, they can ease you in and take it slow. I answered more in depth about mental health not being a sin, but a medical condition, so please scroll on to see that answer.

Question:

As a female youth pastor I meet a lot of girls struggling with self image and anxiety. A problem has come up in a group of girls where the culture around eating has become very toxic. They choose not to eat, one has been diagnosed with anorexia, the others are (what I think) well on their way there. How do I adress this to the parents or to them in a way that is helpful and not harmful? What do I say? What do I not say? This is not my area of expertise. Should I not say anything? Have I any business addressing this? Is an email expressing my concern enough or do I need to meet the parents face to face?

Dana:

My question is: Have you addressed this topic with the girls themselves? When I was in youth ministry, it seemed we spent a lot of time on self-esteem and self-image with both guys and gals. It’s hard to see yourself in the image of God and believe what He says about you when you are getting conflicting messages from the world and even yourself. Anytime we start to have an unhealthy relationship with food, we are at risk for something to develop. After addressing it with the girls, I would check in with each parent individually on the phone or in person. Let them know what you are seeing while their daughter is in youth group and ask them what they see. You may want to be ready with some resources for counseling. You got this. While this is not your area of expertise, you love these girls and that gives you expertise.

If you have a question for Dana, please email christianswhocursesometimes@gmail.com, with an email titled “Therapist Question”