I vividly remember the cyclical pattern of every holiday season when I was single. My parents awkwardly asking if there was anyone I was inviting for the holidays, the sadness of seeing couples out celebrating and doing Christmassy things together. Watching as my siblings got nice, well thought out gifts from their significant others, while I was reminded of how I was alone.

I used to dread the Christmas season. it felt like it shined a spotlight on the fact that I was single, and I always saw that as a bad thing, but it doesn’t need to be:

1. TREAT YO’ SELF

Seriously, go out and do something special for you, from you. Whatever gift amount you would have spent on a significant other, budget an amount for you to spend on yourself.

You know that ad you’ve been getting on Instagram for that thing you want that you convinced yourself was too much? Order it.

That meal you love that you don’t get to have that often because it’s just out of budget? Deliver it to your door.

Self-care is important, and if you notice yourself feeling down as friends and family get spoiled even in small ways from significant others, remind yourself that you know how to make yourself feel your best.

2. Friendship Coffee Dates

Yes, I know it can be tough to be the friend who feels like you’re always reaching out to others, but the holiday season is an incredible time to foster your friendships, or even rekindle old ones.

You remember that friend where you used to work? Your old roommate from college? What about your cousin you haven’t seen outside of family gatherings?

Text them, ask them if they want to spend time together. Christmas is a time where everyone is out and about, so whether it’s trying a new latte at your favorite coffee shop or just walking around and people watching at a mall, just get out there.

3. Be Reminded of Your Worth

You are a fully whole person who is loved by God no differently than others who may be married.

(Read that again)

Often I’ve heard singleness described as “The gift you never wanted and would rather return”. Yes, the Bible describes singleness as a gift, but hearing that doesn’t always heal the pain of loneliness.

The reason single people struggle is because the church, their families, and communities don’t treat them the same as those who are in committed relationships. That imbalance hurts.

Loneliness is a real, valid feeling, and that can be made better or worse by the communities we find ourselves in, and unfortunately, holidays can bring out the worst of that.

You are fully loved by God and will continue to be whether or not you are single.

4. Talk About How You’re Feeling

Putting words to your feelings and emotions can be an extremely powerful exercise. If there was someone in your life that you were close to who was feeling particularly lonely during the holidays, wouldn’t you want to know?

Your family, friends, and church community are the same way. They desperately want to help you grow, and when you’re hurting, it can be a huge blessing to see how they can show up when you give them the opportunity

Sometimes talking about your feelings doesn’t even need to be to someone else. It can be done in journaling, or even speaking out loud.

Answer these questions: How am I *truly* feeling this Christmas season? Why am I feeling that way? What can I do, or who can I talk to,to help make it better?

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The church has a bad habit of treating single people like they are broken and in need of a dating relationship to help put them back together. Being single does not equal broken.

The Christmas season can be a painful month for many single Christians, but that doesn’t mean it has to be. You can turn it into an empowering, beautiful time of your life you’ll never forget.