Each Enneagram type is unique in how they find love and how they react to the world. Enneagram Expert Leah Sweeney is weighing in, giving her thoughts on how each Enneagram type reacts to one of the harder aspects of relationships: heartbreak
When their heart is broken, enneagram ones will hear their inner critic even louder than they normally would and anger will inevitably boil to the surface. They’ll blame themselves and their lack of perfection for ruining the relationship, but will react politely in front of the other person because that’s what’s “right.”
When their heart is broken, enneagram twos will pull out their secret laundry list of all the things they’ve done for the other person and think that after all that, they had the audacity to break up with me!? The shame will be at its peak and in the end, they’ll blame themselves for not being “enough” or being “too much” to be truly loved by someone else.
When their heart is broken, enneagram threes will throw themselves even more so into social activities, clubs and of course, work. The shame surfaces for them as a small voice they’ve always had with them telling them that if they were more successful, they wouldn’t have had their heart broken. The last thing they’ll do is admit that they weren’t successful in a relationship and they will avoid being alone with their feelings like the plague.
When their heart is broken, enneagram fours will be low-key happy they have a reason to dwell in the melancholy and that they now have a real person and relationship to reflect on when they listen to all their sad songs. They’ll think back to all the good times, and forget about the bad (because, push-pull) and they’ll ultimately blame themselves for being too authentic and letting the other person see how defective they truly are. They’ll amp up the withdrawing and introspecting and wallow in their shame and face the dramatic fact that they’ll always be alone and misunderstood.
When their heart is broken, enneagram fives will logic their emotions TO DEATH. They’ll treat the breakup like a pair of shoes they’re returning to a clerk and keep it transactional so their feelings don’t have a chance of coming to the surface. They’ll make a spreadsheet of the relationship and try to pinpoint the exact coordinates of where things went wrong and what they could have done more efficiently for the next time. Deep, deep down, they’ll wonder if they’d been more vulnerable or valued feelings, if they’d be in this uncomfortable situation that can’t be fixed with data.
When their heart is broken, sixes will experience a loss of security and control. They’ll wonder what the other person has been lying to them about all along, and how they could have seen the signs sooner. They’ll feel extra heartbroken and feel dumb for being fiercely loyal to the other person while that clearly wasn’t reciprocated. There’s a good chance, they’ll delete them on every form of social media and try their best to forget that relationship and person ever existed.
When their heart is broken, enneagram sevens will rush the uncomfortable conversation along because they can’t sit with those negative feelings that bum them out. They’ll wish they had just been ghosted and brush the breakup off in front of the other person. They’ll act way too ok with being heart broken, and probably call their friends to go out and have fun or shift their focus to another existing relationship in their life that fulfills them, or go out and find someone new that weekend. They’ll avoid the inevitable break down from trying to go around their feelings instead of through them.
When their heart is broken, enneagram eights will train themselves to believe it’s what they wanted anyways so they can cling to some semblance of control. They’ll blame themselves secretly for being too much or having too much energy and passion. They’ll wonder if they’ll ever find someone who loves their bigger-than-life personality rather than being intimidated by it. They will most likely lock their heart up and throw away the key for a while, while simultaneously knowing they should have been more vulnerable.
When their heart is broken, enneagram nines will most likely agree with everything the other person is saying. They’ll merge with the other person’s opinion, while having a gut-wrenching feeling deep down that this isn’t the way they wanted things to turn out. Shortly after agreeing with the other person, the rage will surface and they’ll let the other person hear all the opinions they’ve swept under the rug through the relationship. They’ll then withdraw for a few days and wallow and punish themselves for the anger outburst.
Leah Sweeney, a resident of Houston, Texas, and has a consulting business coaching executives and teams on Myers-Briggs, Enneagram and various other personality assessments. She is passionate about development and helping people reach their potential, while gaining clarity about how to communicate well with others. Her creative outlet is her @enneamood meme account.