Whether you want to call it deconstruction, losing your faith, or suffering from church hurt, it’s important that we as Christians recognize that while Jesus was perfect, the people who are spreading His word are not, and that means that those who call themselves Christians can cause harm to others in a lot of different ways.

I’ve seen too many Christian accounts, influencers, and pastors who want to treat those who have left the faith like lepers, and just ignore them and push them aside. I couldn’t feel more opposite.

In order to grow and love others as Jesus taught, we need to start with listening. If Christians are causing harm to others, how are we expected to show love and help them heal if we aren’t even willing to listen to what they’ve been through?

A recent post on AskReddit asked a simple question: “What Ruined Religion for You?”. As Christians, I hope you’ll read these with open ears, and consider how we can create a church that is welcoming and loving to all, and Jesus instructed:

When I was 6 years old, the pastor gave a letter to my aunt to give to my mom saying that we were not donating enough money to the church. So we stopped going, and I have never been to church since.

The church wrote [my grandma] a letter basically saying they knew how much money she was making and that she should be giving more to the church. Her was response was, screw you guys, I’m moving to Mexico.

Going to a megachurch.

They received over 1 mil in donations every weekend and spent it on elaborate props and videos rather than helping the community in any meaningful way.

I was 15. My father had been diagnosed with ALS. I had gone to a youth group thing with a Christian friend of mine and they had a circle of teenagers going around talking about things going on in their lives and relating it to God. When it was my turn, I shared that my father was dying and I didn’t understand why him, I was angry and I said something along the lines of I doubted there was a God if this was happening. Basically a normal thing to say when you’re young and you have a sick relative.

I got chewed out for even questioning God and the rest of the kids refused to talk to me the rest of the night including my friend. You would think I had killed someone it was THAT strong of a reaction.

The non-answers to all my questions as a kid. “You just have to have faith” is a dumb way to respond to an inquisitive mind.

I worked at a restaurant near a church on Sundays. Rudest bunch of people ever.

A couple of friends of mine “invited” me to a summer camp when I was in middle school. The first warning sign I noticed was the packing list included a Bible, but I brushed it off because the camp brochure had horseback riding, water slides, and a bunch of stuff that seemed cool.

Thank God I was there with another guy who my “friends” convinced to attend camp with us. I eventually confronted them about their lie and they admitted that had done it because they knew I wasn’t a believer and did it to “save me.” I told them that I didn’t care what their reasons were, if they were my friends they wouldn’t have lied. And if they believed so strongly about it, would they really lie, etc.

Left camp bewildered and more than a little betrayed. As the years went on and I continued to see the complete lack of integrity and regard for honesty amongst religious people, I was still disappointed, but not surprised.

My Southern Baptist uncle telling me that because I was conceived out of wedlock that I’d never make it to heaven. That id burn for the sins of my parents.

I classify myself as follower of Christ rather than a Christian. I’ve observed that Most “Christians” don’t actually model their lives off of Jesus but make religion their god. I don’t go to church or anything, I just try to model my life off of Jesus’ teachings and live in harmony with him. Hence follower of Christ

If we want to change how people view Christians, we need to take individual ownership and BE the change we want to see. Many ex-Christians have expressed through out Instagram that they feel totally ignored by Christians and that they’ve never experienced a Christian who genuinely knows how to love like Christ.

YOU can change that.