Christians are in a tricky spot. We are called to help each other grow, and walk together through hard times. Sometimes that means saying and hearing things that may be difficult to share.

However, there are some Christians out there who say things that cause more pain that growth, and it’s important that we hear the stories of those who are hurting, so we can learn how to be more helpful to each other and grow in our faith as a community.

I asked followers of my Instagram page to tell me the most judgmental thing another Christian has ever said to them, and the responses were truly heartbreaking:

I was in an abusive marriage and after sharing this with a woman in my church, she told me that I should just wait it out more, that God didn’t design marriage for divorce, and my “pain” might be worth it.

“God doesn’t like it when you only come when there’s food”, when we visited our old church and it happened to be a potluck day

I was told that “real” Christians don’t have mental health problems or depression. Now I have a therapist and my faith is better than it’s ever been

After I broke up with my first boyfriend, I was told “be careful, you could get a reputation”

A real woman of God would never do boxing. She shouldn’t have the desire to punch things

I was told once that “Daycare would make my child gay”. It didn’t.

“Wow you’re 21 and still single? You’re on a Christian shelf now…

I had a more wild past, and when a woman in our women’s bible study found that out, I overheard her saying to one of the other women in our bible study “once a whore, always a whore” and then criticized how I dressed. That was my cue to find a new church

“Maybe if you would have prayed more, your dad wouldn’t have died of cancer”

“It’s not right that you’re a mixed breed” I’m multi-racial. I’m a person, not a dog.

After sharing about my depression, I was told “It could be worse” and got lectured on Job.

I’m autistic and found out that when I got my diagnoses people in my parents church told them that this was God’s way of punishing them for no longer being on the volunteer team. I wish they saw that as a sign to leave that church, but they still go.

After shaving my head to support my mom who was going through chemo, I was told I need to grow it out otherwise people might think I’m “one of those lesbians”.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Matthew 7:1-3

Jesus’ words here have set a clear picture for how we need to act as Christians. Being Christ-like is about more than just saying we’re Christians. We need to show in our actions how to love one another, and not just in our words.

Part of that is recognizing when what we’re saying may be more hurtful than helpful. If you’re unsure of whether something you’re thinking may be toeing that line, there is nothing wrong with going to a pastor or mentor for guidance. Who knows, it may just help you grow too.